Notes on the Table 2
Food and missing someone
As 2024 was unfolding, I found myself breaking and rearranging some of the old ties in my life—or creating new ones. What I struggle with the most (and I think many of us do, though I let myself drown in the feeling) is distance, or the loss of someone I care for. As I was watching my life reconfigure itself and learning to live on my own for the first time, so I was missing greatly certain people.
That’s when I discovered that my way of coping with missing someone is to eat their favorite food. For instance, I would drink ayran and eat salmon paste because it brought me closer to my friend Ștefan.
A few days ago, I remembered something strange that happened when my maternal grandmother died. My mother and other relatives were preparing pomeni—the food you give away on religious occasions, in this case, the day of the funeral. At some point, I got incredibly hungry and felt this sudden urge to eat a lot of vegetarian pâté, something cheap that my grandmother often ate. I ended up eating one or two cans with such appetite that I genuinely surprised myself.
Even now, I’m not entirely sure what to make of it, but it’s becoming clearer to me that food is a way of communicating, of manifesting feelings, of creating a connection with those around me—whether in times of joy or grief.
